I’m so much bigger than her it’s easy to pretend that physically, she could not resist me. She’s really strong so in fact I could never truly overpower her without her doing a lot of damage first, but when we play with dominance and submission, and especially when we’re high, that fantasy can seem very real even when we know it’s pretend. Neither of us would be comfortable actually acting out mock non-consensual activities, but when we’re already completely intimate, we will often exploit the edginess of that situation and things get extremely hot.
Last night we continued the trend of darker narratives. It’s not like this never happened before, or in fact that it ever didn’t happen. We’ve just been taking it a lot further. I had mentioned recently that when biting her neck I got scared of the shadowy place we were going and stopped. Last night we went down that road a little longer. It’s a great way to get there, since, you know, women like giving themselves up to vampires after they’ve resisted as long as they possibly can. Oh my god, vampire myths are socially acceptable rape stories, I get it now. Anyway, I feel more like a demon than a vampire–I’m not sucking blood, I’m consuming her willpower, her will to resist, her innocence, to release her truest, deepest, darkest submissive desires.
I don’t want to sound too much like I want to control her. I don’t. It’s thrilling mainly because it requires so much trust. I don’t think we could have gone to these places ten years ago; it has genuinely taken 22 years of monogamy for sex this good to be reachable.
That was all great, but what stimulated me to write again so quickly after the last two posts is this, the Satisfyer sex toy:
which we’ve had for a long while, but never used. It might even be just the second sex toy we ever bought. It and its analogues (e.g. the “Womanizer”) have crazy good reviews, with lots of women saying it gave them their biggest orgasm ever. Rather than a vibration, it pulses air so when it’s on your clitoris it simulates oral sex. Except that maybe no mouth can keep up with a machine?
The problem is, or was, that it starts slowly so for partner play it’s a little weird. We tried it once and she was like “nothing’s happening” and got distracted waiting. I put it aside and only remembered we had it a week or so ago, when I was going through drawers looking for something else. I decided to charge it up and maybe try it again. Last night, after we’d been going a while, she wanted a snack. Also I had to go get my phone so I could be sure to wake in time for the US/Netherlands game. And she wanted some Frangelico, which is kind of extra good in the middle of the night, when you’re high and fucking a lot. So being kind of high, that task was going to take me a while, since it has a few moving parts like getting a glass, the Frangelico, the cookies, and the phone, and then getting them all back in one trip, and then remembering how to set an alarm on the phone. You get the idea–she had some time, and when you’re high it feels like ten times as long. So I gave it to her and said “use this while I’m gone.”
Well, very true to the stories online, I cam back probably a minute later and she was going completely insane. Even with the kids in the house she was gasping and moaning, her face all paralyzed in a crazy grimace, coming either over and over or maybe just constantly. She tried to put it aside since it was too intense, but she was addicted and had to keep putting it back, unable to stop. Damn. We’re coming back to the this one for sure … I made sure to plug it in to charge it just now in case she wants to go again tonight.