Misogyny

I just wanted to acknowledge and maybe discuss a little bit a concern that I have as I go forward. We become dominant and submissive when we fuck. Sometimes anyway; not every time. And sometimes I say terrible things to her. Or I say things like “you are NOT behaving” and then she’ll say “how should I behave?” and I’ll answer “you have to stop saying no and do everything I say.” It kind of sounds like I think she belongs to me, right?

I haven’t really written about all the terrible things I say because, honestly, I’ve been sensitive to my expectations of what people will think. I want to change that, maybe, so I’m writing this post to say there’s nothing wrong with me.

By the way, she doesn’t ever do everything I say. Even though she gets in trouble for it and has to be punished. The thing is, she likes being punished. Sometimes, if she hasn’t been sufficiently punished, the next day she’ll remind me that she’s running behind and needs to be caught up.

You get the idea. It may seem I belittle or other or dehumanize her. In fact I don’t only come across as doing those things, I actually do them. It’s true, I do! It’s kind of hot, at least sometimes. But it’s only within a very narrow context and timeframe. I wish I could explain it better. I’ve said before that we’re not roleplaying or pretending. There’s no game; we’re just doing things that turn us on. There’s no control involved, or mock control even, for example. She doesn’t do what I say if she doesn’t feel like it. It’s only fun because she trusts me and knows I won’t actually do anything she doesn’t want me to do, and because I know she won’t do anything she doesn’t want to.

After that I feel like I have to explain: yes, if it sounds like I’m doing the directing and she’s following, it’s true. But that’s been true 98% of the time even from when we first met, like well before there was any weed involved, or any dominance and submission. There are exceptions, like when it’s the middle of the afternoon and she wants to get something out of her system and wiggles her mound in my direction so I know to come over and get her off.

And outside of sex, there’s no dominance thing going on at all. Except that I do pretty much everything she asks me to, unless I have a really good excuse like having to go make money, and even then, in general, I’ll favor what she needs or what any child needs over that.

It’s not that it’s real or not real. It’s just how we have sex a lot of the time, that’s all.