When it comes to lingerie and the various kinds of club
- It only works if she feels sexy in it. If not, she shuts down.
- Sometimes she puts on lingerie I pick out even though she doesn’t really want to, and then feels silly and shuts down. It’s on me to figure out that she didn’t want to put it on.
- So I would like her to pick lingerie according to her mood, and have it on before we adjourn to the bedroom. But that’s not how it works for her.
I’m struggling to explain the last one. I’ve been trying for a few days and the best I can do is this: she’s never in character while we’re fucking. It’s just her in an outfit. All she really cares about is how hot she looks in the outfit. She can’t pause in the middle of the night and think “today I feel more like this one” because one never feels more right than another. All that matters is how much she likes the outfit.
And, there are categories of outfit she tends to gravitate to:
- Something a young hot chick would wear on the boardwalk in Wildwood. Tiny lace-up cutoffs, for example. She grew up in Jersey.
- Punk and rock stuff.
- Badass stuff like leather and vinyl.
- Classy stuff. Fleur du Mal, Bluebella, Wicked Weasel; there used to be a great shop on Etsy called Backseam. Victoria’s Secret is pretty good, Adore Me can be pretty good.
- Dirty stuff–crotchless panties, etc.
So the other night I decided I wanted her to pick the lingerie, thinking I would get her to pick something that fit her mood, because I’m stubborn and I don’t always listen, or I listen but I don’t always give up right away I guess. She said “OK, open the drawer, I’ll pick something.” We have one of those storage beds where you’re high up, sleeping above drawers and cabinets, and the lingerie is in two drawers on her side, up close to the head end. I asked, “you mean you’re going to pick randomly”? She nodded, I opened the top drawer, and without looking she reached down, fished her hand around in the pile, and pulled out a bag (oh, I need to explain, not too long ago we got dozens of clear plastic bags so that we could more easily keep sets together, so now everything in the drawers is in plastic bags).
As it turned out, she grabbed the cupcake set that I mentioned in another post, and it was awesome. So we did it again the next night and it was awesome. Then we tried to do it again another night, except this time I closed my eyes and fished around, and I got a great Bluebella set, something like this but just the bra and panty. It didn’t fit–she’s lost so much weight that anything we bought between like 8 and 20 months ago would be a different size. It was lacy enough that the cups being too big wasn’t bad, but the panties were just loose. We had to give up. But it’s a good compromise. I just need to let her pick, I guess–which is what I always wanted.
***
We got this book. It’s from an “adventure” series, I guess about being more adventuresome. They are not mostly about sex, I gather, but this one is. It has cute adventures you scratch off and read; some are like “pick a word. If one partner texts that word to the other, and the other writes back with the same word, you need to drop what you’re doing and do everything you can to have sex as soon as possible.” We’re high when we read this, so you’ll understand when I say I don’t remember many others. But one is about stop words.
You know what stop words, are, right? It’s a pretty common theme in popular culture … the idea is that when you’re playing with BDSM or otherwise doing risky things, you have a word that means “I don’t want to do this” or “I’m uncomfortable and need to stop.” Ideally it’s a word you wouldn’t frequently use in conversation.
This is all very cool but you only need a stop word if you want to use regular everyday stop words, like “stop” and “no,” to mean “don’t stop” and “yes.” I.e. if part of your fun is pretending whatever is happening is unwelcome and scary. So the book told us to pick one, and I said “sweet, we only need a stop word if we aren’t OK with ‘stop’ and ‘no’ meaning ‘stop’ and ‘no.’ I’m OK with “stop” and “no” meaning “stop” and “no. Are you?” Of course she is.
Leave a Reply